Self-love Languages for Millenial wifeys and mommies

Kamusta ang V-day, mga siszt? 😅

Kung kasama ka sa mga may-bahay na di nabigyan ng surprise, okay lang yan. Di ka naman nag-iisa, marami tayo. Hahah! Dibale nang walang flowers at chocolates, basta na-remit ang sahod at tapos na ang labahan. Charr 😅 Tsaka isipin mo na lang, binabalikan ata tayo sa mga pagkakataong nagsusungit tayo ng walang dahilan. 🤣 But seriously, kung meron mang konting lungkot o inis, remind yourself that your feelings are valid, but advise yourself as well that comparing your life with what you see in others’ feed will not make anything better.

One of the most important lessons I learned in 2021 is to deal with this kind of feelings. Sobra kasi akong naconsume ng bitterness over the things that I don’t have, or more specifically, the things my husband failed to give me. Masyado akong na-focus sa mga di niya nabibigay o sa mga bagay na “nagbago na”, kaya nalimutan ko yung mas maraming bagay na ginagawa niya para sa aming pamilya. And one of my most powerful realizations is that I feel bitter and sad because I rely on him too much for fulfilling my needs, but that should never be the case. Kung may tao man na unang dapat magprovide, lalo na ng mga emotional needs natin, yun ay yung sarili natin. We should be familiar not just with our own needs but as well as how to fulfill them, kasi kung hindi, magagalit lang talaga tayo sa mundo. We should also never expect anyone, even our “better half” to guess how we feel or what we want, especially if we don’t even properly communicate them.

I’ve realized this when I did some reflection: I was thinking kasi bakit yung asawa ko parang napaka-chill at unbothered tapos ako palaging inis o masungit. I was thinking na it’s beyond the issue of being patient and I was looking for something na magkaiba talaga kami ng perspective. And then it hit me- I saw that on his own, he is happy. He knows what he wants and he decides when is the right time to get it. He doesn’t wait for anyone to give him the things that he aspires for, and he is confident of my love for him. Unlike me na napaka-dependent and indecisive, unlike me na I didn’t even know what I want in the first place. I saw how toxic my mindset was, so I decided that I badly needed to change.

Slowly, I started to be more intentional in discovering my emotional needs and how will I be able to fulfill them on my own. I always remind myself to (first) identify what I want and then (second) take concrete actions to fulfill it on my own. Yeah, I felt so ashamed of myself kasi before I thought I was already a “strong and independent woman”, pero in terms of financial lang pala yun, nakalimutan ko yung emotional at mental aspects. Kaya sa mga may-bahay na nakakaramdam ng lungkot o inis dahil hindi nagssurprise sa kanila si mister, I feel you. I relate with you fully well, but I also would like to encourage you not to rely your emotional needs on other people. Try giving it to yourself first, and then let’s see how will it work wonders for you and your relationship.

And if you would like to ask paano nga ba uumpisahan, I would like to encourage you to start reading and learning about Self-Love Language. Simple lang yung mga concepts and baka nga narinig mo na ito before. Love language is simply the way we give love to others and the way we want to receive love from others. Kung paano mo pinapakita ang pagmamahal mo, gayundin naman, paano mo pinaka-nararamdaman na minamahal ka. Discover your Self-love Language, and then incorporate this into your daily routines as well as even during special occasions. Kumbaga, prioritize and practice self-love first.

And because we’re wifeys and mommies, here are more examples on how to discover and do your Self-love Language (you may choose which ones you really relate with or pwede rin naman na gawin mo lahat if trip mo, hahah.)

• Physical Touch: put on some makeup and wear your favorite dress kahit nasa bahay lang, move and exercise, spend some few more minutes for yourself while taking a bath, completely and unhurriedly do your skin care routine
• Acts of Service: cook your favorite food, declutter your own things and dispose those that don’t bring joy anymore, schedule a counseling session with a Psychologist or Counselor, make that family album you’re postponing for a long time
• Receiving Gifts: you know the drill already- i checkout mo na yan! Buy yourself your own jewelry, etc, but make sure within your means pa rin
• Quality Time: Go to a cafe alone and spend some unhurried time there, book that trip you’ve wanted since forever, practice meditation and mindfulness, sleep!
• Words of Affirmation: Journal your thoughts, update your blog, make a Vision board, write yourself a love letter

Let’s celebrate love and care for ourselves, Mommies! 💋