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Self-love Languages for Millenial wifeys and mommies

Kamusta ang V-day, mga siszt? 😅

Kung kasama ka sa mga may-bahay na di nabigyan ng surprise, okay lang yan. Di ka naman nag-iisa, marami tayo. Hahah! Dibale nang walang flowers at chocolates, basta na-remit ang sahod at tapos na ang labahan. Charr 😅 Tsaka isipin mo na lang, binabalikan ata tayo sa mga pagkakataong nagsusungit tayo ng walang dahilan. 🤣 But seriously, kung meron mang konting lungkot o inis, remind yourself that your feelings are valid, but advise yourself as well that comparing your life with what you see in others’ feed will not make anything better.

One of the most important lessons I learned in 2021 is to deal with this kind of feelings. Sobra kasi akong naconsume ng bitterness over the things that I don’t have, or more specifically, the things my husband failed to give me. Masyado akong na-focus sa mga di niya nabibigay o sa mga bagay na “nagbago na”, kaya nalimutan ko yung mas maraming bagay na ginagawa niya para sa aming pamilya. And one of my most powerful realizations is that I feel bitter and sad because I rely on him too much for fulfilling my needs, but that should never be the case. Kung may tao man na unang dapat magprovide, lalo na ng mga emotional needs natin, yun ay yung sarili natin. We should be familiar not just with our own needs but as well as how to fulfill them, kasi kung hindi, magagalit lang talaga tayo sa mundo. We should also never expect anyone, even our “better half” to guess how we feel or what we want, especially if we don’t even properly communicate them.

I’ve realized this when I did some reflection: I was thinking kasi bakit yung asawa ko parang napaka-chill at unbothered tapos ako palaging inis o masungit. I was thinking na it’s beyond the issue of being patient and I was looking for something na magkaiba talaga kami ng perspective. And then it hit me- I saw that on his own, he is happy. He knows what he wants and he decides when is the right time to get it. He doesn’t wait for anyone to give him the things that he aspires for, and he is confident of my love for him. Unlike me na napaka-dependent and indecisive, unlike me na I didn’t even know what I want in the first place. I saw how toxic my mindset was, so I decided that I badly needed to change.

Slowly, I started to be more intentional in discovering my emotional needs and how will I be able to fulfill them on my own. I always remind myself to (first) identify what I want and then (second) take concrete actions to fulfill it on my own. Yeah, I felt so ashamed of myself kasi before I thought I was already a “strong and independent woman”, pero in terms of financial lang pala yun, nakalimutan ko yung emotional at mental aspects. Kaya sa mga may-bahay na nakakaramdam ng lungkot o inis dahil hindi nagssurprise sa kanila si mister, I feel you. I relate with you fully well, but I also would like to encourage you not to rely your emotional needs on other people. Try giving it to yourself first, and then let’s see how will it work wonders for you and your relationship.

And if you would like to ask paano nga ba uumpisahan, I would like to encourage you to start reading and learning about Self-Love Language. Simple lang yung mga concepts and baka nga narinig mo na ito before. Love language is simply the way we give love to others and the way we want to receive love from others. Kung paano mo pinapakita ang pagmamahal mo, gayundin naman, paano mo pinaka-nararamdaman na minamahal ka. Discover your Self-love Language, and then incorporate this into your daily routines as well as even during special occasions. Kumbaga, prioritize and practice self-love first.

7 Love lanuage ideas | love languages, 5 love languages, five love languages

And because we’re wifeys and mommies, here are more examples on how to discover and do your Self-love Language (you may choose which ones you really relate with or pwede rin naman na gawin mo lahat if trip mo, hahah.)

  • Physical Touch: put on some makeup and wear your favorite dress kahit nasa bahay lang, move and exercise, spend some few more minutes for yourself while taking a bath, completely and unhurriedly do your skin care routine
  • Acts of Service: cook your favorite food, declutter your own things and dispose those that don’t bring joy anymore, schedule a counseling session with a Psychologist or Counselor, make that family album you’re postponing for a long time
  • Receiving Gifts: you know the drill already- i checkout mo na yan! Buy yourself your own jewelry, etc, but make sure within your means pa rin
  • Quality Time: Go to a cafe alone and spend some unhurried time there, book that trip you’ve wanted since forever, practice meditation and mindfulness, sleep!
  • Words of Affirmation: Journal your thoughts, update your blog, make a Vision board, write yourself a love letter

Let’s celebrate love and care for ourselves, Mommies! 💋


Ironies of being a first-time Mom

Because the days are long but the years are so short. This phase can be the happiest, most wonderful and rewarding, yet the loneliest, most tiring and terrifying, ever.

1. You’re always tired, but your heart is full.

2. You have all these wonderful plans to do, cook, decorate, create, etc, but you just seem not to have the time and/or energy to do it (or even start).

3. You have always wanted a twinning-mom-and-baby photoshoot, pero ayaw niya (huhuh).

4. You’ve always advocated for Tamang Kain, No Screentime, All healthy/ organic/ hypo-allergenic/ fortified/ enriched with Vit. C yada yada, but there would be difficult days when you’ll let everything loose just because. (And the true irony is, that’s okay).

5. You dreamed of the day when you can finally wear your pre-pregnancy clothes again, but it really (heartbreakingly) doesn’t come.

6. Your child has done something considered not very good, but you are the one who feels guilty. (WELL, YOU ALWAYS FEEL GUILTY)

7. You remind yourself with positive, reassuring words on a daily basis just to keep you going, but the guilt is there to stay.

8. You have wanted to do it all for the baby, document everything, and be with the baby all the time, panicking that you may have missed important milestones (and developing more guilt in the process), but deep inside, you desperately seek for company and help.

9. You always remind yourself that your child is still adjusting to this whole new world, comforting her that everything is and will be all right, but it’s as scary as hell for you, as well.

10. You wish for free time, quiet time, and me time, but the best time for you is still when you are with your little fam.

And yes, I know, there are a lot more. Being a first-time Mom is a constant battle between selflessness and selfishness; of prioritizing your child’s needs above all else, but also wishing and taking a time out because you also have your own needs to be taken care of. Nemo dat quod non habet. You can’t give what you don’t have.

But the greatest irony, I think, is us trying so hard to follow others’ standards of what “good’ motherhood” is as we see on tv or social media, but we are- and have always been- the perfect Mom to our little ones.

So just keep on going. You’re the best, no matter what. 🌻

We have a three, Daddy!

And the tales of terrific threes (those little ladies who have the face of a baby but an attitude of a teenage drama queen) begin.

But to be honest, this is my favorite season of raising my Ella, so far. She still smells like a baby and clings to me demandingly all the time, but she is becoming her own little person each day. She’s very curious, smart, outspoken, and brave- qualities that totally amuse and amaze us. She still stammers while telling stories, but I completely adore the way she seeks for words as well as in her determination to convey what she wants to say. Having her this way is like having a needy, sweet, talkative best friend, who always looks up on you (figuratively and literally), believes in you no matter how epic your fails are, and loves you like you deserve all the love this world has to offer. And that bursts my heart every time I look at her and remember I’m her mother.

And so, for her 3rd birthday, I couldn’t let anything- even the quarantine- take away what she wanted for her “party”. Whenever we asked her about her birthday, she would always tell us that she liked Hello Kitty. So we did everything in our power (and within what’s considered “legal” this GCQ) to give her heart’s desires.

Just like her other birthday parties (you can read about them here and here), this gathering is always a celebration of our families’ love to baby Ella. They’ve always lent a hand on making the preparations easier, and their presence is what made Ella very happy and feel important on her special day.

Happy, happy birthday Anak! Mahal na mahal ka namin! ❤